FAILURES – WHY, WHEN, HOW TO COPE WITH THEM!

FAILURES – WHY, WHEN, HOW TO COPE WITH THEM!

‘Failure is just the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently’

Another is year is passing by!  I am sure you, like me may have encountered successes and failures in the last year. During next year too, we know that we will continue to face similar situations!

Every motivation book talks on “How to be a success”, “Follow the successful people for victory”!

I have not come across much about how to analyze your failures and more importantly how to cope with them.

If you are a parent, teacher or a motivator, you should talk equally about coping with failures as you talk about achieving successes! Failure is just the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently!

And hence if you have been a success all your life, move on…. Don’t read this blog! It is not for you!  This is merely for folks who meet with failures periodically!!

Life is all about negotiations! In the world of negotiations, if one person succeeds, the other has to fail. Most situations in life, be it between USA versus Russian governments on missiles, Government versus opposition on election issues, job interviews, school admissions, examinations of any kind, are involving negotiations. You have to argue and prove that you more reasonable than the others! That you are the best choice! That you have the best solution! Except with wives – they are always right!!

So someone has to ‘give in’ (or ‘fail’). If this is in a family, the situation is referred to as ‘give and take’! If it is in a war situation, it is known as ‘victory or loss’! In an examination, it is ‘pass or failure’!

STAGE OF DEPRESSION

Hence let us begin by saying you have failed in a given situation. What next?

You may be overwhelmed by grief, depression, shame, what others would say,your dark future. So it takes time to recover from it. There is a transient ‘blue mood’. There is a period of decreased psychomotor activity which means, less of physical activity and more of introspection! Your friends / parents can easily make out by your visible slowing and blue mood that something has gone wrong with you! This is the logical first reaction.

STAGE OF RECOVERY

This ideally is followed by the stage of recovery. This is the time to say that you cannot win them all and move on with your life. This is acceptable for minor issues

But there are times when the goal is important in your life; you have to try again.

 This is the time to introspect and logically think. Just brooding and blindly redoing the same process may still result in further failures. You need to find out why you failed, learn from it and go on. The danger is if you do not get up and walk away. This deepening feeling of loss leads to loss of further productivity and even loss of one’s own life!

STAGE OF ANALYSIS:

So now is the time to wonder why you have failed to success.

It may be -              Failure to plan

                                Failure to learn

                                Failure to anticipate difficulties

                                Failure to have plan B if the first plan A goes south

                                Failure to just face a failure

Let us look at each in more detail!

FAILURE TO PLAN:

'If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.' 

On reaching 50 years, I decided I would run a full marathon! But first of all, you must know that I was never the macho, sporty type , now or in college! So I knew I would not even clear 3 km of distance. But the desire to run a full marathon was definitely there!!

I know I have to plan the event. It is not going to be this month or next month. I scheduled it 9 months later or rather I started practicing for it 9 months earlier, slowly, gradually, painstakingly. There are times I wondered why the heck I was training so hard in the gym for a full marathon. You must really be sure of your goals; unless you have the goals firmly engraved in mind, and you plan the event, it is likely to fail.

By the way, I ran all the way and finished it!

FAILURE TO LEARN:

In a competition, or an examination for entrance to a post graduate course, there are going to be only a limited number of winners or seats! So if you wish to be in it, it is important that you know all about the requirements for it.

I know this well, as I have done enough competitive exams in life .In a written examination, you have to not only know the syllabus, but also what books to read, read the past few years of question papers, do the mock exams both written and try viva ( interview) sessions with a colleague!

So prior knowledge about the event goes a long way in the field you are competing.

FAILURE TO ANTICIPATE DIFFICULTIES:

We have a tendency to watch a match on TV programs and criticize the players on the field. We become armchair critics.

In a game like cricket, you have to not only know your team strength well, but also know what the players are like on the other team. You have to know what their strength in - bowling (pacers versus spinners), or batting! You not only have to work on your strength, but also on their weakness! This is true of performance competitive sports!

In a war situation, you go one step further! You not only know the weakness of your enemy, but also exploit it to your advance to incapacitate him, to neutralize him! Even a powerful modern army relies on communication for operation of their aircrafts, troops’ movements. So, one can always look at options of interfering with electronic communication to cause initial confusion and hence failure. The powerful army remains mighty only by being aware that this would be the Archillis tendon and takes enough measures to keep its own strength. So even when you are prepared well, look for your weak spots and keep remedying  them!

FAILURE TO HAVE PLAN B IF PLAN A GOES SOUTH:

Most motivation books cover aspects of successes! When I read them, I am aware of how many people I meet daily with failed projects, depressed with failures. Not many books mention failures!

When I talk to these folks,they have been led up the garden path by useless advisers, ill advertisements or con men! They have been assured of a cure, or a big jackpot!

It is good to go into life with both eyes open. There should always be an alternate option anytime in life. When one (plan A) fails, we should take the other path (plan B)!

As surgeons, we are taught how to do the surgery; if there are unanticipated difficulties at surgery, one can always turn back. Unless the point of no return is reached, this is possible.

In life situations too, one meets with difficulties. There should be an alternate source of income or an alternate person (spouse) to provide bread for the family when the business starts to fail. 

It is not good to take out loans unless one is able to plan well in advance about repayments.

FAILURE TO ANTICIPATE A FAILURE:

I always consider the worst outcome in any event, before taking part! It does not sound like great advice, but makes anything practical for me! Most people take part in events only prepared to win; they may be heartbroken when they lose!

For instance if one has a loan to pay for a business building, it is best to mortgage the site with the bank (rather than the house you live in). God forbid, if you fail to repay, the bank only will take the building. They will not lay hands on your house where your loved ones live.

Many young people live with a dream of becoming a doctor for instance. If one does not get into the medical college, one can try in other good alternate professions like dentistry or veterinary field or a biology major. One should not be heart-broken just because one does not get what one aims at. This is not a failure. It is just a change of direction to succeed!

In summary,

DON’T:

In case of failure,

• Don’t resort to alcohol!
• Don’t resort to drugs!
• Don’t contemplate suicide!
• Don’t ignore depression if it affects your normal life!
• Don’t confide in the wrong people!

DO:

• Get over it (Gajini Mohammed, King Bruce & the Spider)
• Take advise of parents, spouse, close friends!
• Analyse, Plan, Prepare and Perform!
• No failure is worth contemplating taking your own life!
• If you fail to get up and walk away from your failure, then that surely is failure!
• Everything that happens can be for good – provided we make good choices in responding to it.

HAPPY 2019 TO YOU!