HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS !
&
REMAIN FRIENDS FOREVER !!
GOOD FRIENDS,
GOOD BOOKS &
A SLEEPY CONSCIENCE:
THIS
IS THE IDEAL LIFE
Mark Twain
A friend by definition is a person with whom
one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family
relationships.
There are no rules and regulations to form
or maintain friendship. Only common sense!
But guidelines need to be emphasized, as
most of us do not know how to go about making friends. You can see an
occasional stranger making his or her way very easily in a society where as
most of us do not have a clue as to who the next door neighbor is!
Also in the present days of facebook,
twitter and what not, you may have thousands of virtual ’friends’ or
‘followers’. But still you maybe lonely and depressed, without any real friends.
If you are one of any of the above type of persons,
then this blog may help you.
The progressive steps discussed below
hopefully will benefit the lonesome!
If you are a Superstar, stop reading now
and do something more useful!!
Do not sit around- ‘No man is an island’:
If you sit around in the house watching TV
or playing video games all the time, you will never get any friends. You need
to spend time with people. Take time to mix with a group of people. You don’t even
have to say much. But if you are not going to be with them, you are not going
to get friends.
Join a club:
A club is an association of people dedicated
to a particular, common interest. This interest may be social service, music or
even an old school. Whatever, a common interest like book reading, fan club,
etc holds people together. You need to have the same binding interest to be
associated.
Volunteering:
In any housing welfare association or
colony of houses, topics like clean the city, tree planting, plastic free zone,
paint the locality are some of the popular themes for volunteering. You can
always volunteer for any of these activities. The motto in general is ‘the more
the merrier’. Anyone, especially you can fit in easily into these groups and
you will enjoy being of use to the community.
Sports club:
Sports is a great binder. Like a comment on cricket or golf or football shows you immediate association with enthusiasts and one can hit upon a friendship almost instantaneously. You don’t have to be a superstar. I think it helps if you are not that great at the sports. This gives you a chance to meet more people and develop a laid back attitude which is good for friendship. This group need not be entirely sports, it could be a band or orchestra.
Smile:
Making eye contact is essential before a smile and goes without saying. A smile is worth a thousand words. A smile shows you are a pleasant person welcome to a conversation. Good morning or a similar greeting can follow up with a smile shows you are ready to communicate. If you do not smile and do not say anything, you want to be left alone.
Greeting:
We are not the race, who travel in tube
trains reading newspapers and take pride in being reserved. You need to speak
to the next person in the bus or train. You can always start with a non-committal
‘hi’ or ‘hello’. Unless you say something first, there is no conversation. This
is because other people are also shy and reserved like you!
Initial Conversing:
Weather or road traffic can always the
topic of discussion between strangers. Follow it up with a question as to how
the other person feels about it . This will show you if the other person is
ready to communicate and some insight if the other person opens up to you. Do
NOT say anything controversial like politics or religion which may be an
instant conversation killer with a stranger.
Content of Conversation:
Most important aspect of the conversation
is listening. Once the other person opens up, learn to keep your part of the
talking to around 25% of the entire conversation. The rest should be only
listening – and that is the essence of good conversation. Stick to general,
non-controversial topics. Avoid giving free, unsolicited advice.
Introduce yourself:
You can always mention that you are so and
so, somewhere along the way. This will help the other person to mention his /
her name. Remember the name as this means you have been listening. This will
have a bearing on continuing a long friendship. Be pleasant to the other
person. Good manners help.
Meeting up:
By now you will have a good working knowledge
about the other person and if you want to continue this, you need to arrange
for another meeting so that you can initiate a sustaining friendship. This can
be as an informal coffee in a common place.
Discover identical interests:
Meeting up the person the next time, you
will know the interests of the other person, like in males - sports, books or
in a woman - cooking or stitching, painting, etc. There may be binding
interests like church groups or music groups or book reading. It is good to
discover these interests as they help to foster long associations and
friendships
Knowing more about the other person:
Get to know the family of the other person
and his / her friends. This is important for you to make a balanced opinion on
the person. This will also help you to get more friends. It is also good for
the other person to meet your family and friends so that everyone knows
everyone else. This friendship should be above board and transparent.
Don’t be jealous:
An occasional phone call or a coffee or
meal is okay. But do not badger them to be with you on a regular basis. Always
announce your visits and do not overstay your visits. Remember good friendship
is never rushed and takes a long time to grow. Do not be jealous of the
friendship of your friend with others. This leads to adversity and misunderstanding.
Loyalty:
Loyalty is the faithfulness of the persona
and is the basis of long lasting friendships. You will always have friends when
you are young, rich and successful. But true friend is around when the chips
are down, when you need a shoulder to cry on and to wipe a tear. You don’t have
to give advice, just lend a shoulder.
Being a good friend:
You need to spend your part in being around
and spending valuable time. When you are sick, your friend is around. When you
are depressed, your friend is asking you how you feel. When you need a friend,
he or she is there for you. So you should reciprocate.
Be a Rock:
Stand and be counted. You must be punctual
and always show up when needed. If you cannot come, make it known to your
friend. You should not say you’d be there and not show up.
Confidential matters:
There may be confidential matters between
friends. Confidences should be respected. Don’t be a blabber mouth. If you are
uncomfortable with what is being told to you, you can always say that it is better
to withold the secret for now and discuss it later. Never be pushed by your
friend in confiding things to him or her that you do not want to share. This
can be dangerous.
Choice of friends:
This is most vital. You will meet many
people. You will make many acquaintances. When you are successful, you will
have many so-called friends. But the true friends are only a few. If you can
count your real friends with the fingers of both your hands at the end of your
life, you are extremely lucky. Choose wisely.
Keep in touch:
Good lasting friendships over a lifetime,
take people away to different states, countries and continents. You must keep
in touch. It is not difficult to do so in these days of instant communication
and internet.
Negatives:
Now for the negatives, do not change
yourself to fit in a group or friendship- it will not last and is not worth it.
Conversely, do not try to change the other person to fit into your group or
your liking. Very often dissimilar personalities hit upon a great friendship as
differing points of view can be entertained. Unlike poles attract!
Don’t abandon:
When you are rich and successful, when you
get new friends, do not discard and abandon your old good friends.
Keep the
news ones on –
‘Make new friends,
but keep the old;
one is silver & the other is gold’
