‘TO BE OR NOT TO BE’-LIEVE ADVICE, THESE DAYS!

‘TO BE OR NOT TO BE’-LIEVE ADVICE, THESE DAYS!

A few days ago, I read in news about an important man advocating that all children should study in the local languages in schools; that this would enhance our heritage and culture. Extremely laudable sentiments!!

Except that I know for a fact, his grandson is studying in a posh residential private school in English medium! His own children graduated from Ivy League British universities also in English!

Not only him, but also scores of other people in high places exhort you and me to be honest, always speak the truth, never to bribe, to offer all our services free, to do any menial job however educated you might be and to lead a Spartan life! No dearth of such advice from the high and mighty guys! But they are good at only giving advice, while doing the contrary!

They often quote in the same breath, from Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, Father of our Nation!

The gullible public gulp all they hear! But the shrewd ones see through the messages!

‘To be- or not to be’-lieve such advice is the question!

So whose advice are you really listening to these days?

INNER VOICE:

If you ask me what I do in these situations, the most important thing I do is to listen to my own ‘inner voice!’

The inner voice is a combination of all the advice over the years rolled into one! It is the voice, disagreeing with what you are about to do! even when no one is looking! Yes, we are talking about your conscience!

Your ‘good-self’ wants to study, the ‘bad-self’ wants to update the Facebook with a selfie! Or to get up at 5 am in response to the mobile alarm to jog, or blame it on the weather to continue in bed! Whatever!

PARENTS:

Parents always wish the best for their children! They give sterling advice to the progeny! No doubt in that!

But as you grow up, the cracks may show up, due to differences in age, failure of the parents to think along with the changes in the social environment, failure to give up some of their vacuous beliefs!

As a young, growing individual / adult, you have an innate feeling about what you work to do, to stick around in home town or go abroad for work, what to eat, whom you should hang around with or even whom you should marry!

This may create a dilemma, as parents may be operating on an entirely different frequency!

Such occasions occur in everyone’s lives! Either you cave in right away to their ‘apparent ‘vexatious demand for the rest of your lives or plead for time to think it over! Latter is the better option!  Given time, the best option will unfold itself!

TEACHERS:

Teachers too wish the best for you!

My sister who is a mathematics teacher speaks proudly of all her students even years later! All my teachers at St Joseph’s high school and college, Tiruchirapalli did more than their best, to make us good citizens!

Teachers however can be opinionated and their advice in my humble opinion can be best deployed in the subject they teach. Their student volume is so large that they can only be expected to offer general advice on the rest of the problems.

MENTORS:

When you graduate and as you become a professional, you are still at the bottom of the ladder with reference to the career! You are probably in your early thirties by now.

The young lawyer, young doctor, young teacher, young businessman may need advice now and then! In need of solid advice which can make you or break you! Mentors can make a remarkable difference at this stage!

Mentors are generally older by a few or many years. They have had been exposed to similar situations and experiences. They may be in the same profession or even senior friends who wish the best for you at heart!

They need to keep your problems confidential! It is best to identify who your mentors are at an early stage and keep a long association with them! This relationship later on turns reciprocal, as they may seek your advice when you progress in your profession!

COACHES:

When you have reached late forties or early fifties, you think you own the world!  You think you have seen it all! You undertake big tasks, big risks! You then encounter a few (or unfortunately more) big disasters! Moreso if you are in the performance occupations!

To minimize your mistakes, you need continued coaching. Like Federer in tennis, like Messi in football! If you are a professional musician, you need a better musician to make you better! If you are a medical specialist, you need to keep learning the new developments by constant programs from people who are leading specialists!

At this stage, coaches you employ deserve a fee. You can afford it, and what you learn is top of the shelf stuff!

Coaches are about the same age as you or even younger than you! Pay them well for sharing their expertise and time! Coaches are cultivated, very experienced guys who may or may not have a solution to all your problems! But they have the character to sit with you, dissect all your defects, analyze them and offer solutions (whenever possible)! And you should be willing to listen to them- ha ha!

.  Good things to remember at this stage of your life are:

.  Age alone does not make you an experienced person!

.  Years of service certainly does not make you an experience person in performance jobs!

.  Experts need advice from other experts! No man is an island!

PERSONAL COMMENTS:

In reality, it is surprising how much I have learnt from junior doctors, nurses in my life. I am sure other senior surgeons too would vouch for this!

If only you keep your eyes open, ears too, you can learn a lot!

My 2 year old grandson likes playing with fans. He pulls an old, table fan wherever he goes. It does not work and even the wire for the plug has been removed. He complains often it ‘does not work’! We told him it is never going to work!

The other day from the corner of the room, he started yelling, ‘working, working!’ I rushed to see the fan was happily rotating the blades, pretty fast too! He had placed this old beaten up fan opposite to a live table fan on the floor. The wind from the latter was pushing the blades of the non-functioning fan! So something new to learn from a two year old too!

This story brings us back a whole circle that the ‘inner voice’ of advice has to be from inside you, even when you are only two years old! The whole world can be giving you advice, but you can bring out your own solution!

THE PROBLEM WITH TOO MUCH ADVICE:

Most of the time, many folks offer you unsolicited advice with conflicting ideas! One is forced to listen to all of them! At such times, it is good to have a built in filter in you, which should tell you the right from wrong decision!

The modern professional may ask for advice in whatsApp groups or email groups. He gets a load of conflicting advice from a large number of people. It is prudent to recall that most names which appear are just cyber personalities about whom you may know nothing! They may be having far less experience than you, but may be very vocal on the net! So be cautious on the advice in the cyberspace! No doubt such a discussion is good to upgrade the knowledge of the all the members.

SUMMARY:

The ‘inner voice’ is developed from

.  The time you spent on your mother’s lap, and her bedtime, moral stories,

.  Your parents’ behavior when then encountered similar problems and how they solved them (hence the term ‘the apple does not fall from the tree’)

.  Your teachers

.  Your mentors

.  Your coaches

Most of all from inside you – buck stops here!

It is also always essential to have

.   ‘Good people’ around you – small number is enough

.   To be in touch with ’good people’ even from afar

.   Cultivate a long term relationship from them!

                 You will never regret it! Never let them regret it too!

Acknowlegement: Images from internet.