'JUDGING OTHERS IS WRONG!'…. OH, REALLY?!

'JUDGING OTHERS IS WRONG!'…. OH, REALLY?!

Most written materials say that we should not judge others!

Religious leaders say 'Don't judge people! Everyone is God's creation!' Others say 'You cannot judge my choices without understanding my reason'

At the outset, I want to differentiate this blog from being judgemental. It is NOT about being judgemental. Judgemental means 'having an overtly critical point of view'. This blog is about judging others around you when it comes to relationship with you!

We learn to judge at a very early date in life. Infant does not cry with the mother as it judges her to be loving. 

My 2 year old grandson does not hesitate to yell for me when he is denied chocolates by his mom / grandma, as he already has me figured out for a sucker who readily yields to his demands!

When you reach your teens, who do you tell your secrets to? Not to a blabber mouth! But only to a friend who can keep your confidence. See, you are already judging others while in school!

If you want a badminton partner in college from a pool of players, you would choose the one whom you judge to be a strong player, wouldn't you? Not the weak one! Ha, you are judging subconsciously!

So when the gurus tell you not to judge, it is impossible to comply! It doesn’t make sense to me!

Most of life's experiences when it involves other people, are based on good or lousy judgements!

HOW DO YOU BASE YOUR JUDGEMENTS? ON WHAT?

1) FIRST IMPRESSIONS; First thing that comes to my mind is the saying 'First impressions make the best impression’. Indeed! 

For a superficial, short time, nothing like a first impression! 

When I visited Raymonds for a suit, I went to the best dressed salesman among many others, to the guy who spoke good English and the best polished manners! So, for a minimal contact with the world, the best appearances, the best manners, the best way of speaking matter!

2) QUALITY ADVERTISEMENTS: Best Adverts on FB, Instagram, TV, newspapers exploit this trick very well! Advertisements with heavy branding and great visuals tend to bias you! It works for toothpaste, hotels, hospitals, holiday travel agencies, cosmetics and what not!

Take for instance, you'd choose a hotel based only on the best advertisement for a holiday, or a hospital which advertises a new gadget for treatment! This can be a powerful tool! You base your judgement not consulting with a previous customer, but purely on a well orchestrated advertisement!

3) PAST EXPERIENCES:Now we are making more sense! When you visit the hotel, you may have great or mediocre experiences; you form your own judgement about whether it was good or not so good! 

This judgement based on previous experience is more balanced ! Your remember the painful cramps and the runs in the morning after eating for a long time... enough to avoid going there ever again! 

4) BEST DEALS IN TOWN:I needed a housing loan many decades ago for my flat. I went to a posh private bank , sat in an plush leather sofa and took it from a manager with the best tailored suit! 

Nearly two scores of years later, I am now helping my son with a loan application for his flat. I have footed three different banks with nice managers, but I focus on only the interest rates, the processing fees and the foreclosure penalty! I have also consulted my friend in another bank for a final unbiased opinion before finalising!

Years of experience would teach you to judge deals appropriately! What really matters are the figures on the table and this is so vital when it concerns the relationship with the bank in repaying the loan for many years!

5) BEST BEHAVIOUR: Even when you have reached your 5/6 decades,  even when you have many friends and associates, you still need to keep judging people judiciously. 

A very good friend of mine in his seventies has his needs ,he approached only 3 of his many friends for support. You need excellent judgement to choose who is a good friend, keep your confidence and still be willing to help you!

6) PROFESSIONAL JUDGEMENT:I have not even touched upon the judgement of teachers,  professionals, military leaders, sports captains, team coaches who keep judging others all the time! These people however have the advantage of being trained professionally to judge, assess people and situations! 

Finally judging others is not at all bad! In fact judging others around you all the time prevents you from making mistakes in action, decisions and money! 

However it is important to know, when you judge people, you need to be aware that with time, things change! So don't become 'judgmental'

Because

• people change over time,
• situations change all the time,
• they would have their own experiences to learn from.
• 
  

For people to judge you well, do all the 1-5 things we have discussed already

• Make a first impression! Always be ready. Opportunity knocks only once!
• Let your employees speak well of you! Be a good, kind, reasonable boss!
• Give people the best experiences with you! Alway do your best! Be honest!
• Give your best deals! Be reasonable! Be kind to the needy and poor!
• Be on your best behaviour! Perform well, keep confidences, communicate!

(All pictures are from internet)