MAINTAINING FRIENDSHIPS!

              MAINTAINING FRIENDSHIPS 

"Books like friends should be good and few"

Over the years, I have gained a lot of friends  from childhood, school, college, early work, recent work, associations and social groups.

One despite being busy with one's own professional or business activities, should learn to nurture, continue and grow these friendships. After all, that is the purpose of life; what makes us different from the animals!

If you draw circles around you, the various zones around will form friends of differing types. It is good to know which zone, close or far, each friend belongs to. The same person may shift to various zones depending on your (or his/ her) commitments too!

What are friends for?

( I feel that you should learn to be at peace within yourself even when no one is around! 

The motto should be 'My best company is me!')

In general, friends are needed to 

- maintain social activities with 

- to call up and chat any time

- to seek advice from as and when you need it

- to give advice whenever it is asked for

- to confide in when in trouble or sadness.

To maintain good and long friendships, some qualities matter

- honesty

- regular contacts ( not necessarily frequent)

- learn to say 'no' to friends if it against your better judgement.If they cannot take it, the friendship is not worth it.

- regular hang outs coffee, jogging,social meetings to name a few, if they are locally placed.

Facebook friends and Whats App are applications where 'friends' are easily available nowadays. But in cyberspace, one should realize that what you say not only goes to 'friends', but also to ' friends of friends' whom you do not know.  Facebook also suggests 'friends' for you, which is not how it is done in real life. Good to be aware of these facts.

Hence in cyberspace, (Facebook, Whats App)

- never share intimate moments

- never share when you are too angry, too sad or emotionally upset

- never pass comments about anyone which you will not say directly to his / her face

- never bad things about your last job ( you need the reference. Also when you sleep over it, things look better the next day!)

- avoid political or religious strong sentiments

- never confidential statements about  your finances or your holidays when you are away from home,

Coming back to real friendships,

- be supportive and non judgmental

- Having said that, good friends sometimes give solid advice which are difficult to swallow! True friends do not hesitate to be critical, when you are going astray and doing something really, really stupid!

- If you can give more than you take, then you are a good friend in a relationship. The converse is also true, if your friend gives more than he / she takes, that person is a good friend!

- spare time when needed by your friend on occasions.

Now for the cautions in friendships!

- Money, booze and moral issues will and always do sour a friendship very rapidly. Not worth it.

- Do not intrude into a friend's personal matters uninvited. You may be in the wrong zone. Respect the privacy of your friend.

- In a similar fashion, till you know the other personal well, best keep a distance, criticize less and be less judgmental. 
- Last of all, when friendship involves people of opposite sex, DO NOT confuse friendship with love. If the lady is ever in love with you, she is capable of expressing it; do not be carried away by what you see in movies! 

Remember,'the rich and the famous ( nowadays the powerful too) have loads of friends'! If you are poor and a nobody, you will be lucky to have even a single one!

A common saying in New York is, "If you need a friend, get a dog!" It is true dogs make excellent friends. Totally non-verbal and totally true!

But that's an entirely a different topic!